i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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