It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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