idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
