The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
