i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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