If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we should paint friendship bongs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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