please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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