The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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