Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
