I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
