Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
