Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize