I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
