Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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