I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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