i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize