Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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