Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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