Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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