FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
