dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
