I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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