Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
