Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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