dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
