So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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