What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
