i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
