Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You smell like stripper and shame
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
