Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
