he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
