I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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