Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
