thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
