I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
