is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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