I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
