I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
