I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
