Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
