dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
