I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it's like heaven, but drunker
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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