I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
