it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
