we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
