I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
