Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
