thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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