Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
