OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
