And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Randomize
