I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
