This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
