Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
