i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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