Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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