I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
