Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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