But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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