You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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