I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
