you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
where does the pee come out of this thing
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize