You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
