I can tuck mytits in my pants
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
