she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
